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Thursday, 4 June 2020

That loving feeling

Somehow the song "You've lost that loving feeling" entered my mind, last Sunday. Possibly, it related to someone who had her birthday the day before. I thought she was the love of my life - until she no longer was. That Righteous Brothers song (video) has been applicable ever since her departure. I think, feel and believe the absence of that loving feeling has changed my behaviour.

I know that I should blame myself. I had created a fata morgana in my mind. She did, however, not live up to my (overrated) expectations about her. Reality was devastating. Unfortunately, my fata morgana did not evaporate, like they normally do, when reality hits you in the face. For some reason, mine is still around, albeit in shatters (my April 8 blog).

Possibly, my fata morgana is still around in my mind because its (perfect) movie script featured the wrong actress. I have noticed that replacing the actress does not automatically bring back 'that loving feeling'. I'm wondering now whether the problem was my script, the actress - or both. Moreover, how do you regain 'that loving feeling' once it's gone?

Actually, I think, feel and believe that there was nothing wrong with my script. My first mistake was that I apparently chose for Ms Right Now rather than Ms Right. My second mistake is that I fast forwarded my script. I assumed she needed feeling secured - my third mistake.

Today, I am featuring in someone else's script. She thinks, feels and believes that I'm her Mr Right. She knows and accepts that I'm still healing from my previous dating experience. Fortunately, she is not fast forwarding her script as our connection would probably (also) break.

I'm not sure if her and my script will merge. Mostly, as my script is still in tatters. Her script sounds fine to me. However, the problem is me: I'm no longer sure what I need, want or believe in as far as romantic love is concerned.

Several years ago, I had a similar dilemma following my 2013 burn-out. Back then my question was: should I repair the hierarchical layers in my (read: Maslow's) pyramid of needs, or will I build a new pyramid (my 2014 Dutch language blog, my 2015 blog). I chose for latter and never regretted that decision.

The question I'm facing today is: should I update my script, or will I become the man who can't be moved?

The Man Who Can’t Be Moved (2008) by The Script


Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.

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