Total Pageviews

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

The cycle of Doubt, Fear, Hope & Love

I've had a rough couple of days. Monday's blog wasn't a coincidence. For several days, I’ve been feeling a mix of grief, sadness and sorrow (my blogs). I think it was the first time in my new place. It used to happen quite frequently in my previous place, which was full of good and bad memories.

I'm more and more annoyed by the restrictions of the Dutch "intelligent" lockdown. The word intelligent is becoming a mockery. Intelligent compared to what? Southern Europe? Anger is the second stage in processing grief.

Also see my blogs on Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance (DABDA).

Initially, I was of the opinion that our PM did a good job. Now, I think his decision-making skills are paralyzed by Fear. He remains at the wrong side of the cycle of Doubt-Fear-Hope-Love. However, citizens worldwide are longing for Hope.

My personal hope for meeting someone has been crushed several times due to the severe lockdown south of the Dutch border. Life without hope is like vegetating rather than living. Living in retirement homes, without being able to receive visitors, probably feels like mental torture.

Perhaps, I should fear the coronavirus because I'm a slightly overweight male of 60 but I do not. I refuse to let fear run my life. Moreover, I do not share our fear of dying. I'm annoyed that I seem to be stuck in a vacuum (see bottom of my diagram). Each day in my life seems to be another day from the 1993 fantasy comedy Groundhog Day (IMDb).

In that movie, actor Bill Murray gets stuck in a time loop (ie, vacuum). He loses all hope. Even losing fear does not stop his never-ending situation. Then he starts being selfish to get Andie MacDowell's attention. Despite progress, his efforts keep failing. Once he accepts his situation and starts being selfless then he is finally able to escape his vacuum and achieve a coupling.

I suppose the 1993 movie Groundhog Day is a metaphor for my cycle of Doubt, Fear, Hope & Love, its two main phases (ie, decoupling and coupling), and its two main stages (ie, equilibrium and vacuum).

“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.” A quote from the 1861 novel Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (1812-1870), an English writer.

Fountain of Sorrow (1974) by Jackson Browne

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.

No comments:

Post a comment