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Friday, 6 March 2020

Laughter and smiling

Wednesday night, I suddenly realised what I've been missing in my (dating) life ever since my relocation: (roaring with) laughter. I'm a pretty serious guy who loves having fun. My father used to be the fun type, while my mother was - and still is - all ratio. With hindsight, they were an unlikely and odd couple. Their two sides are like yin and yang inside me.

I now realise that I should be looking for someone who pulls the fun side out of me. Apart from my eyes, this side is quite well hidden. Perhaps, it's better to say that my fun side is being reeled in by my ratio. Nevertheless, I navigate through life by my emotions and validate my decisions using ratio (my recent blog). Somehow, there's a contradiction.

I haven't met many people who were able to pull out my fun side. Probably just one person. To most people, I'm just Mr. Nice Guy and never Mr. Fun-to-be-with Guy. I don't mind too much as my fun side is a little embarrassing at times. I still remember being embarrassed by my (late) father's fun side. My embarrassment is probably containing my fun side.

In my dating life, I ignore all profiles without genuine smiling faces. A smile is, however, not a guarantee for being a fun - let alone funny - person. A smile makes someone attractive and welcoming. The lack of a smile does the very opposite. For centuries, people have been trying to explain the smile in Leonardo da Vinci's portrait of Mona Lisa (c. 1517).

My former wife was an extravert person to all people but me. I cannot even remember her laughing and/or smiling when being alone with me. Perhaps, my (default) introvert presence allowed her to show me the introvert part of her character. It was frustrating for me getting to see her introvert side, while I wanted her for her extravert side. Only latter was appealing.

In my (dating) life, I'm a magnet for people with problems. Seldom do I turn them away as I like helping people and do not give up easily on them. However, over the years I have noticed that some people are beyond my help (eg, in a victim role). I'm not sure if my savior complex is the cause or the effect of their appearance in my life. It seems like another chicken-egg dilemma.

The (only?) person who was able to pull out my fun side, also experienced its down side. She used to make - and like - a lot of blunt jokes herself, until I made an observation about that. She changed but still appreciated my (blunt) jokes. Unfortunately, two of my recent blunt jokes went sour. She is no longer amused. She assumed I was ridiculing someone rather than a situation.

“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” A quote generally attributed to George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "an Irish playwright, critic, polemicist and political activist".

Laughter in the Rain (1974) by Neil Sedaka


Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.

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