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Friday, 21 February 2020

Second chances

In the summer of 2011, my then girlfriend and I decided to split up as a couple and go our own ways. Both of us would return to our (different) home countries. After several weeks, she returned and asked if she could join me instead. Her job opportunities at home were looking bad, compared to the Netherlands. I decided to give "us" another (third?) chance.

Initially, things were much better between us than they had been before. Her job prospects were also looking very good. My prospects deteriorated quickly after the late 2011 Greek government-debt crisis. While her situation and feelings were improving, mine were worsening. Fate had flipped our previous lives. We continued as a couple until mid 2014.

Sometimes, I still wonder about the "what, if" question because she was also my best friend. I know there is no mutual future between us. During stressful times, our characters collide hard and bad. During good times, we flourish. Unfortunately, we both have had lots of stressful times during 2010-2014. I do miss her friendship though.

Second or third chances belong to the cycle of Hope, Love, Doubt & Fear (my blogs) as well as coupling & decoupling (my blogs).

A break-up equals decoupling and is the result of Doubt and Fear. When there is Hope again, a 2nd chance on Love may cause a new coupling.

Today, I'm wondering about the premise that is underlying second, third or whatever chances.

Why give someone a second chance? Is it that you expect things to get better than before?  Do we expect that the other person has learned her/his lesson? Is it part of the revenge-retaliation cycle?

If deeds, words and intentions are not aligned (eg, revenge) then second or third chances are doomed. If Doubt is stronger than Hope then a new chance is probably doomed as well. When Love is stronger than Fear, even a 20th chance might become successful. I know as I've been there.

"We all deserve second chances, but not for the same mistake." A quote attributed to Thabiso Owethu Xabanisa (eg, FacebookLinkedIn).

Second Chance (1989) by 38 Special


Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise.

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