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Tuesday, 14 January 2020

My melancholic mood of missing and longing

This weekend, I watched the 2018 movie Mama Mia! Here We Go Again (IMDb). I thought it would cheer me up but it didn't. With hindsight, I realised it was a bad choice. I should have watched The Equalizer 2 (IMDb) instead. I think, feel and believe that my melancholic mood has a mixed background of (at least) missing and longing.

My melancholic mood has been blocking my inspiration and my (eagerness for) writing. My only solution is writing about both, as that should remove the blocking inside of me. As Johan Cruyff once said: "every advantage has its own disadvantage" (and vice versa). However, the downside is revealing too much information.

My house features six paintings by Joan, my close friend who died in 2016, at the age of 54. It also has a picture of my father who died in 1994, at the age of 61. Each morning and night, I greet both as a tribute. I miss them and would long to join them. Unlike 2013, this longing has no consequences. Nowadays, I welcome each new day (eg, carpe diem).

This weekend, I had a long conversation with a friend. She told me certain things, which I had already sensed since we met. Her information reminded me of a statement by the French author Fran├žois de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680): "In friendship as well as love, ignorance very often contributes more to our happiness than knowledge".

The words missing and longing (for) seem like yin and yang: they are closely connected. I was even wondering if missing and longing are the same. Others have the same thought: Is there a difference between missing someone or longing for someone. The main "difference" is time related: past (missing) versus future (longing).

The above is also supported by a 2018 Elite Daily article: "The longing that comes from missing someone can range from minor feelings of sadness to downright agony depending on the relationship and the amount of time you've been apart." Hence, my melancholic mood.

In the Portuguese language, this mood is called "Saudade [which] is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one cares for and/or loves." (Wiki)

There is also a scientific explanation. These mood swings are caused by the missing hormones oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, which are "released at times of physical intimateness, i.e. hugs, cuddles, kisses, and sex" (Odyssey-2017). Oops......

“But nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting someone in it.” A quote from the 2017 poetry ebook All the Time (and Constantly) by Calla Quinn, an American writer.

My Ever Changing Moods (1984) by The Style Council ft. Paul Weller

But I'm caught up in a whirlwind and my ever changing moods


Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise

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