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Monday, 9 December 2019

You get what you give

A few days ago, I chatted with a Possibly Maybe. At some point, I told her my philosophy is different from hers: you get what you give. Later, I realised that these words are the perfect title for a new blog - and also song (see below). For many years, I used to be like her: rather suspicious and keeping people at a distance. The problem is that you get what you give.

I'm still a cautious person but no longer suspicious. Nowadays, my motto is: Trust, but verify. She doesn't trust anyone on the internet and called my number while using her anonymous mode. During our conversation, she was looking for differences (eg, in opinion), while I like finding a compromise. It's pretty tiresome discussing every single detail. Her habits annoyed me and I ended our talk. Again, you get what you give.

In last Friday's blog (Hurt), the situation was pretty similar: she was in a rational mode while I was in an emotional mode. I had to change to my rational mode; also to protect my heart. Our collision happened in our rational mode. Then I realised that I cannot cope with people who discuss matters of the heart on a rational level. Again, you get what you give.

A new friend has a similar problem. She would like to blow off steam about her matters of the heart. Unfortunately, her feelings are silenced by the rational thinking of the people around her. They do not understand her. She has found a listener in me, who understands her issues. I'm curious what Oscar Wilde would have said about our friendship between man and woman.

There seem to be some fundamentals beneath "you get what you give": balance & symmetry (my blogs) and - especially - reciprocity (my blogs). What is a relationship without these two concepts? Perhaps not (yet) empty but nevertheless doomed, I suppose.

The phrase "you get what you give" is deeply rooted in Eastern and Western philosophy, like karma. Wiki: "Good intent and good deeds contribute to good karma and happier rebirths, while bad intent and bad deeds contribute to bad karma and bad rebirths." In Western words: good things happen to those who do the right thing. Also see my blogs on Deeds, Words & Intentions.

A 2010 Psychology Today article, What We Get When We Give, sheds some further light: (i) "kinder people actually live longer, healthier lives", (ii) "we feel so good when we give because we get what researchers call a “helpers high,” or a distinct physical sensation associated with helping", and (iii) "kindness makes us happy".

"I'm not naive, I know that bad things happen, but most people do the right thing most of the time. Most people wake up and they try to do what's right for their relationships, whether it's marriage or family. They try to do what's right for their job. They try to make a better world for those around them, and that's what I want to write about." A quote by Nicholas Sparks, an American romance novelist and screenwriter.

You Get What You Give (1998) by the New Radicals


Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise

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