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Monday, 16 December 2019

The game of playing hard to get

Two recent events made me wonder if the game of "playing hard to get" can be successful. A Google search revealed a 2014 Psychology Today article: When Should You Play Hard to Get? This article mentions a 2014 study in the Journal of Experimental PsychologyWhen does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction?

This study confirms my own attitude towards the game of "playing hard to get". In general, I neither like this game nor the person playing it, unless the game is being played by a woman whom I already know and like. In latter case, her game will indeed increase my attention and my efforts towards her.

Hence, playing hard to get can be a successful strategy between acquaintances and/or friends but not between strangers.

Abstract from 2014 Chinese University of Hong Kong study:
"Folk wisdom suggests playing hard to get is an effective strategy in romantic attraction. However, prior research has yielded little support for this belief. This article seeks to reconcile these contrasting views by investigating how 2 hitherto unconsidered factors, (a) the asymmetry between wanting (motivational) and liking (affective) responses and (b) the degree of psychological commitment, can determine the efficacy of playing hard to get." Note: link in quote added by LO.

In my view, the above mentioned folk wisdom must relate to people who already knew each other because the means of communication and transport were (very) limited in those days. Projecting ancient folk wisdom to this day and age, will probably always suggest "contrasting views".

Interestingly, the opposite of playing "hard to get" is also true: playing "easy to get" increases - rather than decreases - someone's likeability. I suspect the same applies to same sex meetings (eg, at sport, study or at work): "individuals who act engaged and interested [] are seen as more positive and likable". Note LO: this quote has been amended from past tense to present tense.

Hence, the above is just another example of my recent blog: You get what you give. If you give people your attention then you may get their interest. However, if you give them a game of "playing hard to get" then you will get their dislike. Once people know and like you, romantic attraction may indeed occur in the right circumstances (eg, available, single).

"Some people like the chase but ultimately, people who play hard to get are also hard to want. If she is actively making it more difficult to date her then I'll find someone else." Cosmopolitan.

Hard To Get (2019) by KUN (a.k.a. Cai Xukun)


Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise

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