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Monday, 25 November 2019

Sugar mummies and sugar daddies

I do not have a job. Neither do I receive unemployment or other social benefits. I'm fine with that. It's my choice. My social status is, however, a big problem in dating with possibly maybes. Considering the many female questions, I must be a loser. Usually, the obvious explanation for my situation does not even cross their mind.

One woman recently argued that a previous relationship had left her in financial debt. Hence, her suspicious questions following my profile text. I'm aware of (at least) two other examples of financial ruin by men. Nevertheless, I sincerely doubt that any con man (sic!) would claim that he is without a job. Using someone else's picture and job (eg, surgeon) is more likely.

The female fear of becoming a sugar mummy is interesting. A Medium-2017 articles shows there is a huge geographical difference between sugar mummies and sugar daddies. Sugar mummies are mostly in a few African countries, like Ghana, Kenya, Nigeria, Uganda and Zambia. Sugar daddies reside everywhere, except for most of Africa.

The existence of African sugar mummies makes perfect sense once you have visited Africa. Based upon my Kenyan experiences, it's hard not to see a stereotype of hard-working women and idle men. Based upon my many conversations, Kenyan men often look for female sponsors. Even tourism reflects that: rich white women hook up with poor black men (eg, Paradise: Love).

I must admit that men like me, do have a subconscious fear of becoming someone's sponsor. Perhaps, my profile text aims to scare off certain women. I'm not looking for dependent women. I skip any woman who radiates being a gold digger. The absence of children, the choice of clothing, and the wish for a luxury lifestyle are often telltales.

Sugar mummies and daddies are just extreme examples of the quid pro quo in any relationship. By definition, heterosexual relationships are not based on equality. Moreover, I think, feel and believe that inequality has an upside potential for synergy (ie, 1+1=3) and a downside risk for dependency. I suspect that (full) equality is just boring (eg, PT-2013, DM-2014, Mix-2016).

Perhaps, my entire profile text is geared towards women asking me questions. I strongly believe that one question says more than a thousand answers. Any answer can be a lie. Questions are always aimed for learning the truth. The best and quickest way to learn about a new person (eg, authenticity, character, intentions) is through hearing/reading their questions.

“To be able to ask a question clearly is two-thirds of the way to getting it answered.” A quote by John Ruskin (1819-1900), "a prominent [English] social thinker and philanthropist".

Brown Sugar (1995) by D'Angelo


Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise

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