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Wednesday, 9 October 2019

Confidence and vulnerability

My blog articles show a conscious choice for vulnerability. Some people may consider that foolish. So be it. I could obviously hide behind the title of my blogs - Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish - but I won't. It's my aim to reach people and help them finding their way. Showing my ego - or confidence - would jeopardise reaching my goal.

People often say that I radiate self-confidence. I suppose that must be true as I have thought a lot about the things I say - and don't say. Nevertheless, doubt governs my thinking. Please see my 2019 blog: Doubt vs certainty. Once new - or better - information appears, I have no problem in changing my mind and expressing that I was wrong. I suppose my ego is small.

In 2016, I misjudged Trump's ego for confidence. I misjudged his skepticism for fresh thinking. After several months, I realized that his character (inside) was very different from his posture (outside) and I acknowledged my mistake in my 26 July 2016 blog: False Prophets.

Trump seems to be my opposite: ego versus confidence, and (grandiose) narcissism versus vulnerability. Perhaps that explains my early admiration for Trump: opposites "attract", at least from a distance. Up close, magnetism may turn into a repelling force. Also see my 2018 and 2019 blogs on why do opposites (not) attract? 

Using confidence in my writing would have resulted in opinion articles. At times, I enjoy reading opinions (eg, Borowitz reportEphimencoGeorge Friedman and his GPF). My favourite opinion writers either use balanced arguments, or use satire. Nevertheless, these writers still aim to convince us. Such opinions can become repelling by forcing arguments down our throat.

Using vulnerability in my writing implies sharing parts of my private life, including the interfaces to the private lives of (anonymous) others. Eve Kibare, a Kenyan writer, shares very private thoughts in her Mind Conversations blog. She is an extremely gifted writer, whom I admire. I use self-restraint and self-censorship instead. 

In 2014, my writing was part of my healing because I offloaded my negativity through my writing After a few months, I became repelled by my own negativity and stopped writing. It took me several months realizing that my 2013 burnout had changed my outlook on life: less = more, giving rather than taking, positivity, and lots of solitude to enable my introspective journey.  

“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.” A quote from the 2005 book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle (b. 1948), a German-born spiritual teacher and author, and resident of Canada. 

Positivity (2018) by Steffen Morrison

Positivity 
Is All Within Your Reach 
It’s matter over mind 
Find the strength inside 
Of me 
Let’s turn it all around with 
Positivity


Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise

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