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Monday, 29 July 2019

Why is acceptance so hard?

Within a week, I was twice forced to face the cycle of grief as developed by Dr. Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance - or DABDA. Bargaining solved the situation on Sunday last week. That outcome was short-lived as the situation returned last Thursday. I know that acceptance is my solution but why is that so hard?

I have thought about several angles: (my) accountability & responsibility (my blogs) and trust vs distrust (my blogs). I also know I shouldn't ask questions of which I don't want to know its answer. And how far should I go in understanding the motivation for this situation?? None of these angles solved my issue.

Considering the principle of Occam's razor (my blog), the most logical and most simple answer would explain why. In that case, the answer is as simple as this: I do not want to accept this situation even though I know very well that it's over. The breach of trust is just too big.

Weirdly enough, the resulting suffering following this situation feels a little addictive. Apparently, my experience is not weird at all:
HuffPost, 2017: "Suffering and struggle are emotional addictions as strong as addictions to alcohol, nicotine and drugs. "

The above quote opens a brand new outlook for me on a depression. It also explains why it is so hard fighting a depression. It may even explain my subconscious fear over any addiction.

A consequence of acceptance is that it implies making a choice between forgetting and/or forgiving (my blogs). That choice is also much harder than it looks like. Probably, this situation is a matter of forgetting as there is not much to forgive, despite the breach of trust.

I have no clue about the real reasons for my latest break-up. Apparently, it's not about me but about her. I have heard such words before, and I never fully believe that. It's unlikely, however, that I will ever find out her true motivation. Acceptance is thus clearly my best option.

Sometimes, I wonder whether the universe is smiling at me and giving me new inspiration for writing. What better motivation for writing than a break-up? I just want to forget....

A quote by Thomas Szasz (1920-2012), Hungarian-American psychiatrist and psychoanalyst:
"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." 

I Keep Forgettin' (1982) by Michael McDonald

I keep forgettin' we're not in love anymore 
I keep forgettin' things will never be the same again 
I keep forgettin' how you made that so clear 
I keep forgettin'

Note: all markings (bolditalicunderlining) by LO unless stated otherwise

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