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Thursday, 29 June 2017

Male feminism and female sexism

I am not a feminist. At least that is what I think, as I have no clue how or what a male feminist would look like. Men describing themselves as feminist make me a little uncomfortable. A Dutch guy even claimed that men shouldn't talk about feminism as men do not experience sexism. Latter is factually wrong and that guy must be blind.

For many years, I was also blind towards female sexism. My former girlfriend had to wake me up from my hibernation. Since she explained its signals, I am now finally noticing them. I must admit that I have always seen these signals but never thought about their meaning. Female sexism is sophisticated and probably even an art - unlike male sexism.

The word feminism does not have a male equivalent (Quora). It's antonym is misogyny or hatred of women. The absence of a male equivalent for feminism is suspicious in itself. Hence, this (female) remark in Quora: "The term "feminism" is actually a vague label." I can only imagine that a male feminist must sound suspicious to women.

Loving a woman should make a man a feminist - by definition - but clearly this is not the meaning of the word. Men do not have an understanding how it feels to be a woman. The same applies to women. How could women know how it feels being a man? Men do not often talk about emotions which makes it even harder to understand what drives male behaviour.

I can't even be a feminist as I have no clue what women see in men. I suppose women see different qualities in men than men see in women. My former girlfriend never worried about my wellbeing and was confident that I would soon have a new girlfriend. I did not understand her. I am not an easy person. I am reclusive and don't meet many people. She was very right however.

I doubt that women look for male feminists. If this label is suspicious in male eyes then it must raise red flags in women. At the age of 57, I think women are looking for male authenticity. This might even explain the beautiful 1978 love song "Is she really going out with him?" by Joe Jackson (artist, lyrics, video, Wiki).

Explaining male authenticity may take some effort. Essentially, it means being yourself and stop pretending to be someone or something else. Being yourself is easier said than done. We all wear various masks to cope with our various roles in life (eg, family, love, sport, study, work). Women do however not appreciate the male mask in Love.

Being yourself requires showing your vulnerability. Without mutual communication, forgiveness, intimacyrespect, togetherness and trust, this will usually not happen (my 19 January 2016 blog). Men - and women - often mistake vulnerability for weakness. Making yourself small in the eyes of someone you trust, will make you a great person in her eyes. Greater than you feel yourself and perhaps even greater than you really are. It's just different for girls.

It's Different For Girls (1979) by Joe Jackson - artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2