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Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Grateful

I am grateful for my girlfriend's (dual) recovery within 10 days. I am less confused now as I am slowly understanding the message of 8 June 2016 and 2017. It's a hard one which I’m still chewing on. Joan’s death has affected me more than I realised. It triggered something unfamiliar. My friend’s (dual) admittance to the hospital’s emergency room, reactivated that trigger.

I am grateful for each new day since the recovery from – actually, more the survival of - my 2013 burn-out. It was worth the fight with myself. That fight has changed me a lot. I am not the same person as I was before. My priorities are different now: Less is More. My writing has become a journey inside myself with an unknown destination.

I am grateful for the good life that I have lived. Excerpt from my 9 August 2016 blog: “I am lucky. In fact, I have always been lucky, ever since my childhood. I was born under a privileged Zodiac, in a privileged country and with privileged parents.”

I am grateful for the talents that were given to me at birth. As a boy, I dreamt of writing a book and becoming an archaeologist. Instead, I pursued a successful career in Audit and then Finance. Everything that I've learned seems to have fallen in place by now: confidence, conscientiousness, curiosity, impartiality, independence, open mindedness.

I am grateful for having known Love, not only parental love and romantic love but also the hardest love of all: self-love. Our perceived flaws usually prevent self-acceptance and thus self-love. Our flaws may relate to Body (e.g., looks, weight), Mind (e.g., inferiority, jealousy), and/or Soul (bad words, deeds and thoughts).

I am grateful for having known adversity in my life. Most of my life, adversity was minimal. Success became “normal” in my life. In 2013, adversity hit my life on nearly all of its dimensions: career, family, health, love, money, relationship. A meltdown was the result. Understanding what had happened became my challenge. I survived, also because I refuse being a victim.

I am grateful for the friends who walked in - and out of - my life. It took me decades to separate acquaintances from friends. I used to think more friends is better and spent much time on networking. Friendship is the ultimate test in expectations: they build while mutual and fail while diverging. I "gained" many acquaintances following my 2010 divorce and 2013 burn-out.

I am grateful for having learned the importance of having no regrets in life. Postponing saying that you're sorry assumes having adequate time. The assumption is the mother of all mistakes, a quote by Eugene Lewis Fordsworthe (my 26 May 2015 blog).

I am also grateful for the girlfriends who entered my life. Some made an everlasting impression and others became distant memories. A few also became my best friend. Our good memories will always win and our goodbye will always hurt.

I am most grateful for the force of Faith that has accompanied me through Life. It's important to separate Faith from Religion (my 15 September 2016 blog). Faith is like surfing through the waves. Sometimes you will make a wrong decision and fall. There's always the rope that connects you and your surfboard. You climb back and surf on to the next wave.

You Want It Darker (2016) by Leonard Cohen - artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

Hineni, hineni
I'm ready, my Lord