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Saturday, 27 May 2017

Acceptance

It’s hard to believe that I’ve never written a blog on Acceptance. In my 900+ blogs, I did mention the term “Acceptance” quite frequently though. Acceptance should be dealt with along the Which, How, What and Why question. Which is about scope. How is about solutions. What is about a scientific analysis. Finally, everything follows Why.

Besides grief, the hardest kind of acceptance is self-acceptance (Which). Without my 2013 burn-out and my 18 month recovery, I still might not have accepted myself for who I am rather than what I was (my roles). Sometimes, I notice that people envy my self-acceptance. Well, I have paid a heavy price for it. Only with the knowledge of hindsight, I know it was worth it.

My solution (How) for Acceptance is to stop resisting Change, "go with the flow", and learning from the lessons that Life is teaching. A Tiny Buddha blog points in the same direction: "The Power of Acceptance: Stop Resisting and Find the Lesson".

Tiny Buddha: "Part of the real beauty of life is that it’s unpredictable. Nothing is permanent, everything changes; and of course, a lot of things can happen that will transform who you are and have an impact on your life. The problem is that we need to cultivate the ability to truly accept whatever comes and embrace it." Note: italics are mine.

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross has developed a world-renowned scientific analysis (What). She has identified the 5 DABDA steps for processing grief: Denial (my blog), Anger (my blog), Bargaining (my blogs), Depression (my blog) and - finally - Acceptance. A special kind of acceptance in processing grief is called Closure (my blog). 

Acceptance always relates to Change, especially negative Change (e.g., a loss of a loved one, a break-up, a job dismissal, losing treasured possessions). Humans have a habit of resisting and fighting Change. Hence, these 5 DABDA steps also apply to Change: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. 

My 27 February 2017 blog, The process of Change, explains Why acceptance is so difficult. Acceptance is not the final step for embracing Change. Three more steps follow Acceptance: believing, willpower and faith. Willpower is required for execution of Change. Faith brings enduring willpower. However, believing (in Change) is the hardest part of all.

More than 2 years after my break-up, I wrote my Changing my belief blog. It casually mentioned “that I’ve finally approached the Acceptance stage”. Initially, I used a rational perspective and convinced myself that the break-up was right. Later, emotions took over because there was/is mutual blame and guilt involved. By the end of 2016, I finally believed that she and I had made the right choice to break-up in mid 2014. 

“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” Quote by Arthur Rubinstein (1887-1982)

Accept Yourself (2014) by Joss Stone ft. Nitin Sawhney - artist, FB, lyrics, video, Wiki



Accept Yourself (2013) by Nitin Sawhney - artist, FBlyrics, video, Wiki