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Monday, 20 June 2016


I am angry and I cry for feeling helpless and powerless. My friend is dying and I am not able to change anything about it. She doesn't want people to cry at her bed but it's hard not to, at your 1st visit. The difference between then (strong) and now (fragile) is very hard to accept. So I do my crying at home and pretend that I am okay when I revisit her. This feeling of sorrow must escape.

I had to look for the subtle differences between grief, sad(ness), and sorrow. Wiki: Sorrow is an emotion, feeling or sentiment. Sorrow "is more 'intense' than sadness, it implies a long-term state". At the same time "sorrow [] suggests a degree of resignation which lends sorrow its peculiar air of dignity". Wiki: Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed.

I doubt this feeling of sorrow will stop right after her passing away. I feel that it will only fade away slowly. Until then I am back in my sea shell mode in which my focus is inwards in order to deal with my emotions. My exterior is my armour but inside it's just soft tissue. I still believe, feel and think that it's much better than the opposite: Friendly familiar faces but inside as cold as ice.

Psychology Today has several articles on sorrow and a few interesting ones about its benefits: sorrow, a valuable emotion and a noble sadness - the benefits of sorrow. I will try to rephrase them in my own words in order to avoid long quotes from others.

Anger and sorrow are connected. We have difficulty in dealing with grief, sadness and sorrow. Often we are tempted to hide - or even bury - our sorrow rather than showing some emotion (lyrics, video). In such cases, our internal sorrow may turn into external anger instead which is also a display of (a lack of) power. PT: "Depression is sometimes called ‘anger turned inwards’.

Actually, latter description might be most accurate given my own 2013-2014 depression. I am still very proud of my 12 June 2015 blog which describes "the road to recovery from a depression or burn-out". It is much more easy to experience a depression than to escape it again. The power of the dark side is beyond anyone's imagination - unless you've been there already.

The healing benefits of sorrow are often unknown or underestimated. In my 9 September 2015 blog - Show some emotion - I mentioned that "at a young age, we learn from our parents that it's better to hide our emotions". We bring that attitude into our relationship, sport, study and work. While we often look for authentic / genuine, sincere and transparent people in relationships and at work, we often assess them as weak when we do find such people.

Experiencing sorrow is also experiencing compassion, for her/him, for others, and ultimately even for yourself. PT: "In many cases, we weep; and the release, the ‘catharsis,' of our tears bring us to the commencement of healing. We are forced, through a process of nature, to let go of our intense emotional attachment to the precious person, place, activity, object or idea that we are losing". Also see my 2 May 2016 blog called Teardrops.

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain". Quote from the 1923 book The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, a Lebanese-American artist, poet, and writer.

Jackson Browne - Fountain of Sorrow (1975) - artist, lyrics, video, Wiki-1, Wiki-2

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that hollow sound of your own steps in flight
You've had to hide sometimes, but now you're all right
And it's good to see your smiling face tonight

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