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Saturday, 15 August 2015

Choices

Once in a while I get moody and reflect on the choices that I've made in life. And I ask myself if my main life's choices are still valid. I call that a "hiding in my shell" moment (see my June 2 blog). This brief period may also involve sadness in case of lack of progress on my goals. Sadness over expectations (see my August 14 blog) is typically more intense and may involve a much longer period (e.g., depression). My "period" may take a few days and then it's gone again. In some ways, this "period" may remind of something entirely else.

According to women's magazine Cosmopolitan, it may be the male version of PMS and called IMS - or "Irritable Male Syndrome. "This can be attributed to men experiencing a drop in testosterone, the hormone that gives them their mojo. Their IMS can happen at anytime, as testosterone levels fluctuate during the day, but they tend to be highest during the morning and drop as the day goes on."

Perhaps it's IMS that I'm experiencing. Perhaps not. Fact is that I re-evaluate things during that period. Usually the outcome is that I stick to my choices. Sometimes there is temptation to run away from some of them and to make some dramatic and/or drastic changes. However, when I outweigh the pros and cons of such changes, my status quo becomes less gloomy.

I don't mind changing my status quo but I am not looking forward to it. I am not a stranger when it comes to the Fear of Change (see my February 23 blog). And I am certainly not using rose-coloured glasses (NL: roze bril) when looking at my pros and cons. The pros need to clearly outweigh the cons, else it's a no-go. I am a Calculated Risk guy, not an emotional one when it comes to decisions.

Serious or important choices require a balance between head/mind, heart/emotion, and guts/intuition. Doubts (see my June 26 blog) imply that they are not (yet) in balance or in sync. All 3 need to point into the same direction: yes or no. A monthly - or whatever period - reiteration of that process makes sense as a "no" could well imply a "not now". When all 3 did point in the same direction, there should be no post-decision regret (see my June 7 blog). And for the record, hardly any decision is final. It usually just takes an apology to rectify.

Yes, sometimes we need to apologise after making a wrong decision. For some sorry seems to be the hardest word, for some it's easy. Just compare Elton John (lyrics, video, wiki), Chicago (lyrics, video, wiki), Morrissey (lyrics, video, wiki), Nirvana (lyrics, video, wiki), Player (lyrics, video, wiki), R.E.M. (lyrics, video, wiki) and The Temptations with Sorry is a sorry word (lyrics, video, wiki). For a Top 25 of "best" apology songs go to this link. The difference in all of them is sincerity. The hardest part of saying sorry is not saying it but meaning it and then implementing it. (link)

I just noticed a very interesting PsychologyToday article that gives 5 reasons for why some people will never apologise. This is a highly recommended read and it would require an entire blog rather than just a paragraph to explain this concept. Hence I prefer to just provide the link right now.

Life is about making choices and accepting their consequences. Fear makes us delay taking decisions that ought to be taken. A wise decision is without doubt or regret. A wise (wo)man apologises for a wrong decision and corrects it. Leon Oudejans