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Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Sabbatical

Since a few months, I no longer think of my present situation as a prolonged mandatory vacation. I'm having a sabbatical instead which feels very good. My blog has almost reached 9,000 viewers. I'm still considering writing a book but I haven't found the determination that I would need for that. I do have an idea though but can't find the style (e.g., fiction, non-fiction). I stopped after my prologue.

Once in a while, I still apply for a job when I feel that there actually might be a match. Usually the job advertisements are already too boring to even consider applying. Furthermore, these advertisements only focus on the job specifics as if that angle would be interesting at all. Usually, there is little information about the company and its culture. Hence, it's really difficult to assess the possibility of a personal match. This month – May 2015 – has shown some unusual activity though: people approaching me for jobs rather than vice versa. It's a nice feeling again.

My sabbatical feels justified after decades of long working hours, culminating in working at a hostile environment run by fear, greed, incompetence and lies. A fatal combination. I let my loyalty - towards the future of that company - become more important than my health. The company survived as its shareholders couldn't afford a bankruptcy. I survived my severe 2013 burnout through sheer determination, hope and most important of all: faith.

The pivotal moment in my life happened in court on Thursday 29 August 2013. After a devastating testimony of my former notary, who had been blackmailing me and to which I had refused to cooperate, I decided to just give up on everything in life. Four (4) years of courtroom battles had resulted in a victory for lies and more lies. In my moment of utter despair, something extraordinary happened in front of me. I realised its meaning immediately. Since that day, my blessed life has returned and I'm grateful.

Until recently, there were just 3 goals left in life being my kids, a new love and something that pays my bills. My daughter is still reluctant to reconcile with me. I think and feel that she suffers more from that than I do. It's her choice though. Not mine. My son is like a sailor navigating his way through a storm and I respect that. Early May, a new love entered my life and it looks promising.

Nowadays, I'm quite careful with a new job. My health has become far more important than the money involved. Any job that brings unhealthy stress is out of the picture. Only healthy stress is allowed. There's no job without stress by the way. The absence of stress may even cause unhealthy stress. Moreover, I like healthy stress as I perform better that way.

Honestly, I would not mind leaving my primary field of expertise (finance management) and find a role as consigliere and resultant. Coming up with ideas and successfully implement them – a.k.a. adding value - has always been my drive and passion rather than monthly closings, budgeting, audits and annual accounts. Some day I'll find my personal match.

Until that day, I will enjoy my sabbatical and the simplicity of my current life. I was running on empty (Jackson Browne). No more running for me (Michael Kiwanuka). I love my slow, warm love (Joan Armatrading). No more fast love (George Michael). No more life in the fast lane (Eagles).