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Friday, 1 May 2015

Nagging

I am getting more and more tired of people nagging (NL: zeuren). In the news (papers). On the radio. On TV. There is so much negativity in nagging and seldom a solution. My solution is simple however as I either ignore by turning the volume to zero, change station or shut off the device.

Sometimes nagging can become humour. The Dutch comedian Youp van 't Hek is a master in flipping his nagging into humour. Sometimes he doesn't succeed and then his basic nagging prevails. His way of describing the absurdism in certain situations is usually able to generate my smile.

I tend to associate nagging with people who are not satisfied in life and have long-term negative emotions. Please refer to my 12 April 2015 blog on human emotions - a new classification. Given my prior experiences, it's my distinct aim to avoid any further negativity in life. Negativity is like a black hole that drains all your energy.

Avoiding nagging people can either be easy or fairly difficult. Nagging politicians just don't get your vote. At the work place, you can change desk, floor, department or employer to avoid nagging colleagues. In a relationship this opportunity does not exist. Minimising spending time together - by increasing working hours and/or attending various social events (alone) - may look like a solution for some time but it's merely a delay of the inevitable: communication.

As Psychology Today states: when wives are complainers, it's usually because husbands dodge communication. The nagging wife is not just a sexist stereotype: researchers have shown that women take the role of primary complainer in relationships twice as often as men. But a study at Ohio State University suggests that this nagging tendency may have more to do with the power structure of marital relationships than with wives' supposedly demanding nature.

That study clearly showed that the "demand-withdraw" pattern is often exhibited by couples having communication problems: when one partner voices a complaint - nags in other words - the other partner remains silent, attempts to change the subject, or leaves the room altogether. But women weren't always the ones who griped. When the issue for discussion was chosen by the man, he made the demands while his wife dodged communication. (Psychology Today)

So why are men rarely perceived as "nags"? Women may tend to complain more simply because they have more to ask for. For example, even in dual-income homes wives are often saddled with most housekeeping and child care tasks. Men may tend to withdraw from criticisms and requests because it's advantageous for them to maintain the status quo. However, in domains where women typically have more control - like the bedroom - it seems that men turn into nags, while women become evasive. (Psychology Today)

Some couples can break out of the nagging pattern on their own, but many need a third party, someone who isn't taking either person's side over the other's. Latter is very difficult as men bond to men and women to women. A divorce suddenly becomes a viable option.

It's better to be single then in a relationship that makes you unhappy and drains your energy.